


Come Back, I Need You to Hold Me

by howtosingit



Series: 30 Days of Tarlos/30 Songs of Tarlos [25]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Married Couple, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtosingit/pseuds/howtosingit
Summary: “If I could turn back the clock / I'd make sure the light defeated the dark / I'd spend every hour, of every day / keeping you safe”*When Carlos is seriously injured on a call, TK feels like he’s lost his whole world.30 Days of Tarlos/30 Songs of Tarlos - Day 25: “You Are The Reason” by Calum Scott
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: 30 Days of Tarlos/30 Songs of Tarlos [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770025
Comments: 31
Kudos: 242





	Come Back, I Need You to Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> Think of this as a reverse-1x08 fic, but with more angst. I have honestly never listened to this song without crying, so we’re in for a trip, friends.

\--------

It happens suddenly, without any warning or sign from above.

They’re just finishing up a call, and TK and his team are feeling really good. A gas leak was reported downtown, and they were able to evacuate everyone and shut the line off before anything too serious happened. Multiple businesses had to be cleared out, so they worked with both APD and a couple of other stations to manage the crowds and confirm the safety of the area. It’s been a long couple of hours, but they did their jobs well, and the day is almost over. With any luck, they’ll just have time to shower when they return to the station before their shifts end. TK honestly can’t wait. It’s been a truly good day.

Carlos was called in to assist as well, and they’re currently pressed close to each other while his dad chats with the other fire captains nearby, making sure they’re okay to leave.

“I think we should do an easy dinner tonight, what do you think?” Carlos asks, turning to look at him, gently brushing his fingers against the back of TK’s hand. TK turns it over, linking their fingers together. He can’t resist the feeling of his skin against Carlos’s wedding ring, and he looks up at his husband with a soft smile on his face.

“As long as you’re cooking, I don’t care what we eat,” he smirks, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his strong jaw.

“Arroz con pollo it is,” Carlos confirms with a nod before shooting him a look. “You know, I thought the whole point of me teaching you to cook was so that you would actually help make dinner sometimes,” he teases, linking his other hand with TK’s so that he can run his own fingers along the white gold band on his finger. It doesn’t matter that they’ve been married for almost two years, they still love to stare at the rings on their fingers, a symbol of how much they mean to each other.

“I hear what you’re saying,” TK starts, struggling to look serious, “but, you see, I’m not the one with the ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron at home, so I just don’t think it makes much sense, you know? If I’m cooking, who would distract you with kisses?”

Carlos lets out an offended huff just as his dad comes back over to them, letting them know that they’re good to go. The rest of the crew rushes towards the truck, eager to get moving, but TK pauses to give Carlos one more kiss. “See you at home?” he says, staring into his husband’s beautiful brown eyes.

“Yeah, I’m going to check in with these other crews before I go, but I’ll see you there,” Carlos nods, starting to pull away. He’s already taken a few steps when TK responds.

“Oh, and Officer Strand-Reyes?” TK calls, watching as Carlos turns towards him, his face lit up with a bright smile. “Make sure you wear the apron.” He leans towards him, lowering his voice so that only they can hear. “Preferably with nothing underneath,” he adds, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

He sees Carlos’s eyes widen for a moment before he lets out a small laugh, ducking his head in embarrassment. “I hate you,” he mutters, and TK sees that his smile is still wide on his face.

  
“I love you, too, babe,” he says, turning to head towards the truck wearing a smile of his own.

He’s still grinning as they pull away, thinking about the evening ahead, just a quiet night at home with his husband and definitely little-to-no clothes between them. He can feel his pulse rise at the thought, and he’s so lost in his fantasy that he doesn’t immediately process the explosion behind them. 

It hits him in waves: the truck shaking before it slams to a sudden stop, the sound like a thousand fireworks going off at once, the way his team’s faces transform into looks of absolute horror, the way his heart breaks into a million little pieces as his brain finally registers what’s going on. He throws himself against the door, falling out onto the pavement as he looks back at the scene they just left, but he can’t see anything or anyone through a thick, billowing cloud of dust and smoke.

The ghost of his smile only leaves his face when it transforms into a horrific scream, the sound of his husband’s name cutting across the eerie silence surrounding them while his soul leaves his body to search for its other half.

\------

They find him how one would expect to find Officer Carlos Strand-Reyes, moving as quickly as possible to help others around him. TK, who can feel his voice dying from yelling for ten minutes straight, lets out a sob when he spots him, finding the energy to call his name one last time as he runs towards him, his team right behind him. Carlos turns, tilting to the side a bit, as TK slams into him, his arms coming up to wrap around him. It’s not a tight hug, but TK cries out at the feeling of having his husband against him again. 

“TK…” he hears Paul say from behind him, and there’s an edge to his voice, a warning that TK doesn’t understand, not until he runs his hands through Carlos’s curls and feels something wet there. He steps back, staring down at his red hands, before looking back at his husband. 

“Carlos…” he starts weakly, taking in the man’s sweat-covered face and the unsteady way that he’s holding himself. It’s not until his eyes start to roam down his body that he sees it, wondering how he missed it before: a piece of shrapnel sticking out of Carlos’s chest. His body freezes in shock, his eyes traveling back up to look at the kind, loving face of his best friend and partner, his normally sparkling eyes dim as he stares back at him, his forehead furrowing in confusion.

“We have to help these people,” Carlos says as he looks around at the chaos, his voice weak as he coughs lightly, and TK feels a chill run down his spine at the sight of blood at the corner of his mouth. “If you guys just help me lift…”

He trails off as he lists forward suddenly and TK is thankful that his body instinctively jumps to grab him, he and Paul lowering Carlos carefully down to the ground. 

“Ty,” Carlos gets out, a cough overtaking him again, producing more blood.

“I’m right here, baby,” TK says, his voice trembling as he leans over him, taking his face in his hands to try and soothe him. He feels tears cloud his vision. He blinks to clear them, watching as they fall onto Carlos’s face, cutting lines through the dirt there. “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, okay? Help is coming, you’re gonna be okay,” he sobs, trying to get control of himself as he caresses Carlos’s cheek.

“I’m really tired,” Carlos breathes out softly, and TK watches as his eyes start to close.

“No, no, Carlos, you can’t sleep yet,” he demands, his voice rising. “Stay with me, okay, talk to me, I’m right here, talk to me.”

“I love you so much, TK,” his husband responds, his eyes fluttering open to gaze up at him. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that?”

“Yeah, I do,” he sputters, nodding fiercely so that Carlos can see him. He thinks he hears movement around him, hoping it’s the arrival of EMS, but he doesn’t look away from his husband to confirm. “You tell me every day, I love you so much, too. You gotta stay with me, though, okay? We’re not done yet.”

He feels someone shift his body so that he’s crouching above Carlos’s head, clearing his torso for the medics. 

“I didn’t mean it when I said I hated you,” Carlos clarifies, his words barely intelligible as his eyes start to close again. 

“I know you didn’t, baby,” TK chokes out, pressing their foreheads together. When he rises back up, Carlos’s eyes are completely closed, and TK feels his face crumble as he’s overcome with fear.

“You did good, son,” he hears someone next to him say, and he feels hands on his shoulders, pulling him away. He wants to resist, but he feels like a shell of himself, and he can’t keep his eyes off of Carlos’s blank face. “You kept him calm, but we’ve got to let them work now, okay?”

He doesn’t respond, barely processing the voice in his ear or the hands wrapped around him. 

He feels like a part of himself is dying.

\------

It’s been four days.

The first night was a complete blur, Carlos’s surgery lasting until the early hours of the morning. He doesn’t remember anything from that time, not even the few updates from the surgical assistants as they worked to save his husband’s life.

He knows they’ve had a lot of visitors, but he hasn’t spoken to any of them. Carlos’s mom and sisters have been around every day, staying long hours and keeping up conversation with his dad, but he’s barely heard any of it. 

TK hasn’t left the hospital. He isn’t eating much, and he knows that’s worrying everybody, but he’s just not hungry. He doesn’t know how to explain that all he wants to eat is arroz con pollo, but only if it’s made by his husband while he wears his “Kiss the Cook” apron and nothing else. He doesn’t think they’d understand. 

It’s been four days.

He’s only showered once, when his dad forced him to the day before. He stayed under the shower head for all of two-and-a-half minutes, long enough to rub soap on his body and shampoo his hair, and then rinse off. They felt like the longest few minutes of his life.

He hears his dad tell him that he needs to take care of himself, that Carlos wouldn’t want him to ignore his own needs. TK doesn’t know how to explain that he can’t take care of himself, not when Carlos needs him. They take care of each other, that’s what they do, and TK doesn’t know how to do that when his husband won’t wake up.

It’s been four days.

He doesn’t speak when others are around, choosing instead to sit in the chair next to Carlos’s bed, his hand linked with his husband’s so that he can feel the wedding band on his finger, the one they let him put back on once he was out of surgery. He spends his days by his husband’s side, staring up at his beautiful, serene face, waiting for that first sign of movement. He stares at his lips, his broad nose, the crease between his eyes. He drinks him in, filling in the gaps for the things he can’t see, like Carlos’s brilliant white smile and his melted chocolate-colored eyes. 

TK only speaks when they’re left alone, when visiting hours are over and it’s just the two of them under the dim lights of the room. Only then will TK talk, his voice rough from disuse. He talks about everything and nothing. He talks about the nurses and the worried looks they give him, he talks about the bland food that they put in front of him that he doesn’t eat more than two or three bites of. He talks about how the doctors say that the reason why Carlos isn’t waking up is because his brain is healing itself. He tells him that they don’t really know how long that’s going to take.

Mostly, TK tells his husband how much he loves him, stringing the words together like a prayer for him. For hours, he repeats the words until they no longer sound like anything at all, or until he falls into a restless sleep, his head pressed against Carlos’s leg.

It’s been four days.

On the fifth night, TK is seated at his usual place by Carlos’s side, his thumb running absent-mindedly along the back of his husband’s hand where it rests next to him. The nurse just left, telling them all that visitor hours were ending, and he hears movement around him as his dad and Carlos’s mom gather themselves to leave. He’s not surprised when he feels soft hands on his shoulders and a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“See you tomorrow, mijo,” his mother-in-law says softly, her fingers running through his hair. He nods, keeping his eyes on the man in front of him. She squeezes his shoulders once more before moving away, and out of the corner of his eye he sees her move to the other side of the bed to press a kiss to her son’s face, running a hand through his dark curls.

“I’ll bring some breakfast when I come tomorrow,” he hears his dad say from next to him, feeling his hand gently grip the back of his neck. He nods again, but still doesn’t turn to look at him. He feels his father’s lips pressed against his hair. “Love you, son,” he says, his voice tired. TK wants to turn to him, to reassure him that he doesn’t need to worry so much, but he can’t take his eyes off of his husband; even one second is too long to not see him with his own eyes, to not know that he’s there when he almost wasn’t. 

When they’re both finally gone, TK lets out a sigh, his head falling forward to lay next to Carlos’s leg. He stares at the wedding band in front of his face, watching as it shines softly in the light. He takes a moment, listening for sounds in the hallway and when he doesn’t hear anything, he rises from his chair for the first time in hours.

Moving as carefully as he can so as not to disturb Carlos, he pulls himself up on the bed to lay down next to his husband. He watches for any cords and tubes, but after doing this for the past two nights, he knows how to be really careful so that he doesn’t mess with anything. The nurses are never happy when they find him on the bed, but they haven’t threatened to make him leave yet either, so he’s going to continue doing it while he can.

After a minute or so, he settles onto his side, Carlos’s arm pressed against his front, and moves to rest his head against his husband’s shoulder, pressing his cheek to the scratchy gown he’s wearing. Finally, he drapes his arm across Carlos’s stomach, his fingers wrapping around his other arm. TK holds his breath, waiting for harsh beeps from the machines next to the bed, but they never come, and he relaxes into the mattress underneath him, his lips pressing against Carlos’s shoulder.

He lays there for a moment, trying to remember the feeling of being held in his husband’s arms and wishing more than anything that Carlos would wake up to hold him now. When it’s clear that that’s not going to miraculously happen, TK feels his heart stutter in his chest, his eyes filling with tears as he lets out a quiet sob.

And then, for the first time all day, TK speaks.

“Hi, baby,” he chokes out, his grip tightening on Carlos’s arm as he looks up at his unresponsive face. “It’s, um, it’s night number five,” he says, trying to control his breathing. “We’ve been here for four days, and let me just say, the food isn’t getting any better.

“It was just your mom and my dad here today,” he continues, staring down at Carlos’s chest to watch him breathe. “I think some of the crew is coming back tomorrow, and Michelle. Your sisters, too, probably. I have a feeling they’re going to make me take a shower again, and Dad’s preparing the troops for battle.”

He huffs out a laugh, his heart breaking when no one joins him. He exhales deeply, letting new tears fall as he looks back towards his husband’s face.

“I miss you, baby,” TK whispers, his voice barely loud enough to match the machines in the room. “I know you’re right here, but this isn’t you.” He shakes his head, raising his hand up to caress Carlos’s lips. “It’s been days since I’ve seen your smile, and that’s not the Carlos I know.” His hands move up to trail underneath his husband’s eyes. “It’s been days since your eyes have crinkled like they do when your smile is so big it takes over your face, and I miss the way you raise your eyebrows when I say something shocking, and your crease disappears,” he continues, mapping out Carlos’s face with delicate fingers. 

“I miss your laugh,” he says, his voice shaking, “and the sound of your voice. I miss the way you whisper ‘good morning’ into my ear every morning, and when you sing in Spanish while you cook. I…” he trails off, his voice breaking as he squeezes his eyes shut, the sheet beneath him already soaked with tears.

“I miss hearing you say that you love me,” he chokes out, gasping for breath. “And feeling you hold me. I feel so safe when I’m in your arms, and I don’t know how to feel safe without you now.”

He’s silent for a moment as he gasps out a short breath, reaching down to hold Carlos’s hand next to him, trying to steady himself.

“This is the longest we’ve been apart since we got married, and I need you, Carlos,” he cries, knowing that his husband can’t hear him. “I _need_ you. You’re my heart, my whole world, and I don’t know how to be myself when you’re not here. I need you to wake up so that I don’t have to be alone. I’m so scared of being alone right now. Come back,” he pleads, rising up to press his face against Carlos’s neck. “You have to come back to me, Carlos.”

His voice fades away, his energy leaving him as he closes his eyes, and eventually he drifts off into a fitful sleep.

Hours later, TK slowly awakens, keeping his eyes closed to try and hold onto the darkness as long as possible, so that he doesn’t have to face the reality of daylight. He feels a weight against the top of his head, and he presses against it, nuzzling into the soft skin in front of his face. The smell isn’t quite the same, but he recognizes the feeling of Carlos’s neck beard when he doesn’t shave for a few days. TK rubs his nose against it, relishing in the tickle of his husband’s facial hair. 

There’s a soft laugh from above him, and TK feels his entire body freeze at the sound, almost like someone just dumped a bucket of water on his head. He squeezes his eyes shut, hardly daring to believe that he’s not dreaming.

“Good morning, baby,” a familiar voice says in his ear, and TK instantly falls to pieces, every part of him shaking with sobs as he pushes closer to the voice, still refusing to open his eyes. He can’t face him yet, he won’t be able to handle it if it’s not real.

He feels a hand press against his where it’s resting on Carlos’s chest. Soft fingers lift it in the air, bringing it upwards, and he gasps when he feels gentle lips press against his palm. 

“Look at me, Ty,” the voice says, and TK’s hand is laid against a familiar cheek. “Let me see those beautiful green eyes,” the gentle voice says, and TK can feel the jaw moving against his palm. He hears himself let out a earth-shattering sigh of relief as he finally opens his eyes, pulling back to stare down at his husband.

“Carlos,” he sobs, tears forming as he sees those beautiful brown ones looking back at him for the first time in days. The sight mends his shattered heart, as does the bright smile that his husband is wearing, and the way that his eyes crinkle with joy. 

He feels two familiar hands come up to cup his face, holding his steady, and the touch is so familiar, yet so recently missed, that TK can’t help the choked sound that bursts from his lips.

“Oh, cariño,” Carlos whispers, worry lines appearing on his forehead as he stares up at him, gently caressing his face to soothe him. “What can I do?” he asks, his own eyes filling with tears now.

TK just shakes his head, diving back towards Carlos to bury himself against his neck, wanting to be as close to him as possible.

And for the first time in what feels like forever, he feels his favorite pair of strong, steady arms around him, holding him close as Carlos presses dozens of kisses into his hair, speaking a thousand apologies and declarations of love into the quiet room around them.

There, in Carlos’s arms, after everything that they’ve been through, TK feels his soul return to his body, and he finally feels whole again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hugs and love to you all. 
> 
> [tumblr](https://howtosingit.tumblr.com/)


End file.
